Marriage and parenthood are often celebrated as life’s greatest milestones, marking the start of a beautiful new chapter.

However, alongside the joy and excitement, these roles come with unspoken challenges and sacrifices —realities that are rarely acknowledged. What’s often portrayed as perfection hides the complexities that many face in these life-changing experiences.

In the book It Didn’t Start with You by Mark Wolynn (2017), I encountered a thought-provoking concept: the transmission of generational trauma.

It made me realize that many of the struggles we face are not as unique as we think—they often echo across The book explains how emotional and mental burdens can be unknowingly passed down from a mother to her unborn child. It’s eye-opening to consider that a child may start carrying the weight of inherited struggles even before birth.

While numerous factors shape a child’s mental health, a significant portion of it begins during pregnancy.

The emotional and mental challenges a mother faces deeply affect her child, often becoming an unspoken legacy that is carried forward. These generational patterns influence not only the immediate family but can also have lasting effects on future generations.

This is why it’s crucial to start having honest conversations about the hidden realities of marriage and parenthood now.

Too often, we focus on how these milestones affect us in the present, but the responsibilities we take on extend far beyond the immediate moment. These challenges are passed down through generations, impacting future generations in ways they didn’t choose and often without their knowledge.

By not addressing these issues now, we’re unfairly passing on struggles to those who had no part in creating them.

As soon as individuals marry, there’s an immediate societal expectation for pregnancy, as if it’s the natural next step.

However, what many fail to understand is that the transition into parenthood is not merely physical—it’s emotional, mental, and deeply impactful on the future of both the mother and the child as I discussed above.

Once pregnant, however, she is often expected to maintain the same health, energy, and routine as she had before, with little regard for the physical, emotional, and mental toll pregnancy can take. In my experience as a medical student, I’ve heard countless remarks in gynecology wards that reflect this attitude. I’ve often heard comments like, ‘She’s not the only one who’s been pregnant.

We’ve been there too and still managed the work.’ These remarks, typically from family members or even other women, reduce pregnancy to physical endurance, ignoring the deeper emotional struggles. Instead of offering support, many women are shamed for not being able to ‘push through,’ further adding to the burdens they face

Every challenge a mother faces, whether it’s stress, emotional strain, or physical hardship, has the potential to impact the baby’s development, from physical health to mental well-being.

Moreover, once the child is born, the first ten years of their life are crucial in shaping who they will become as adults. The love, care, and upbringing they receive during these formative years, along with the nutrition they have access to, all play vital roles in their future health, mindset, and overall development.

The foundation laid in these early years becomes the blueprint for their adulthood, influencing everything from their emotional resilience to their ability to form healthy relationships. Therefore, understanding the interconnectedness of a mother’s well-being during pregnancy and her child’s future is key to breaking the cycle of generational struggles and ensuring healthier futures.

In today’s generation, women are often expected to play dual roles as both nurturers and providers, which becomes an overwhelming burden for them and their children. Balancing these responsibilities can be particularly difficult, as the pressure to provide financially alongside caring for the family takes a toll on a woman’s physical and mental health.

Similarly, the traditional role of a father as the sole provider also has its own set of pressures, making it difficult for him to handle the emotional and financial weight alone.

These gendered expectations often result in the inheritance of burdens, limiting both parents’ emotional wellbeing and creating an environment that affects the mental health of children as well. As we continue to pass these norms on, it’s crucial that we begin questioning and changing these societal structures.

Creating spaces where both men and women are supported in their roles, and where shared responsibilities are emphasized, can help break this cycle, offering a healthier and more balanced environment for future generations.

While some challenges in marriage and parenthood may be inevitable, they can be minimized through open communication and mutual understanding.

Before taking on shared responsibilities, both partners should take the time to truly understand each other’s needs, capabilities, and emotional states.

Rather than sticking to outdated norms where the father is the sole provider and the mother is expected to be the only nurturer, both roles should be shared in a way that considers the emotional and physical capacities of each partner.

For instance, during the initial phase after childbirth, when the mother is going through one of the hardest transitions, the father should be the one offering support, both emotionally and physically.

By creating spaces where both men and women are equally supported in their roles and responsibilities are shared, we can help break the cycle of unbalanced expectations and create a healthier, more equitable environment for future generations.